More Than a Feeling: INTJ Faith

Some people who have studied personality types rank INTJs as the least likely to believe in a Higher Power or be identified as religious.

I, a self-identified Christian and person who considers herself both deeply spiritual and religious, tried to reconcile this disconnect. What is different for or about me?

Before I start listing those things that come to mind, I want to say this upfront: Spiritual things are spiritually discerned. (1 Corinthians 2) Whatever else I say in this post, all spiritual awakenings are to the glory of God. They are the work of the Holy Spirit and no personality type can claim they are simply better at faith or spiritual things or that God chose them because they deserved it. No one gets to boast. (Ephesians 2)

That said, here are a few reasons I think my story might be different from other INTJs:

1. My pastor (for most of my life this has also been my dad) did not over-emphasize the emotional side of faith. Some of my fellow church members were more emotional than others, but it was not required as evidence of faith.

2. I was not raised in a raucous, rowdy religious tradition. Services were orderly. "Fellowship Time" (aka greet your neighbor, shake hands, or hug) was the most awkward section of a service. (And honestly, I still don't like it, even though I understand it better now.)

3. I was taught systematic theology from an early age. When I asked questions like, "But why do we believe this?" I was given thoughtful answers, by both my parents and youth leaders. "Just because we always have," was never the default answer. ("Just because" being probably the worst response you can give an INTJ on any question.)

4. I was taught apologetics. Josh McDowell. Henry Morris. Ravi Zacharias. Lee Strobel. The evidence for and against the historical Jesus was debated and discussed.

5. My love of reading was encouraged. When I was a teenager my dad loaned me all his Francis Schaeffer books. Later, as an adult, I picked up C.S. Lewis, G.K Chesterton and Dorothy Sayers, among others. Do I believe exactly like these great men and women? No, of course not. But they are evidence not just for a risen Christ, but that learned people can believe in God, a saving Christ, and spiritual things.

6. My habit of debating was encouraged instead of squashed by my first youth director. One interesting product of this: my favorite sparring partner was my future husband. And yes, I would argue a point I didn't believe to the death, just to win an argument. (Some things never change.)

7. Back to the Holy Spirit again. Faith is a mystery. We are incapable of coming to God on our own. In His grace and mercy, God saved me according to His own will and I am forever changed and grateful for this.

Frankly, I don't know how my fellow non-religious INTJs get through life. Life is hard. It's scary. It can be incredibly lonely.

INTJs are great at imagining an incredibly realistic horrible chain of events and bad at asking for help when it comes to pass. We respect and trust very few of our fellow humans. For this INTJ, the fact that I am NOT the ultimate authority or expert is a relief.

God made me. He saved me. He loves me (yes, "just as I am").

And because of that I will serve Him and praise Him and love Him and seek His glory, not because of a feeling I have but because it would be nonsensical if I didn't.

Linking up with:

INTJ Life: Knowledge Collecting

This content can now be found on Living Unabridged - INTJ: Knowledge Collecting.

INTJ Mom / ESFP Daughter: Perfect Opposites

One thing I've learned as a parent: each child is different. I  know, not exactly a groundbreaking thought right there. But I have 4 daughters, and while some of their similarities are striking, their differences are what catch my attention.

Two of my daughters are most likely Introverts, as I am. At least one of them may be an INTJ (which would be funny because that's supposedly the rarest type for females. To have two of us in one house would be wild).

My third daughter is not. My study of Myers-Briggs types and the books I've read about parenting by type or finding out your child's type (see end of this post for recommendations) lead me to believe she is an ESFP.

For those of you keeping track, that means she is different from me in every way:

• I'm an Introvert. I crave quiet time and deep conversations. She's an Extrovert. She craves noise and crowds and joyful, exuberant talks.
• I'm Intuitive. I see a big picture and don't, as a general rule, obsess about the details. I have a rich (not to say fantastical) thought life. She's Sensing. She needs repetition and concrete information, step by step guidance through a task. Her pretend play is all based on reality and she prefers audience participation.
• I'm a Thinker. I prefer logic and reason. A good argument invigorates me. I sometimes don't understand what others are feeling. She's Feeling. She has emotions near the surface. Her feelings are hurt easily but she's also sensitive to the feelings and hurts of others. She comforts and encourages. She craves harmony.
• I'm Judging. Routine is my friend. If I say I'll do something, I will come what may. I hate surprises. I'll be on time. Deadlines are inviolable. She's Perceiving. She loves surprises. She forgets what she was doing, while she's doing it. She enjoys new experiences and is always looking out for the next thing.

This might surprise you, but this particular child, different - so different - from me in so many ways, is a joy for me to parent.  Here's why it works for us:

1. She shows me a new perspective on the world. Her delight is contagious.
2. She's a peacemaker in our sometimes intense household.
3. Her compassion for others reminds me to engage my empathy muscle. 

Here are a few things I have to remember while parenting this child:

1. She's not trying to annoy me when she's right at my elbow, talking a mile a minute. She craves company, and she processes information externally (that just means she needs to talk things through).
2. She is not necessarily being defiant when she neglects a chore or task. She genuinely has good intentions, but she's also easily distracted and forgetful.
3. She needs things broken into steps (her "S" vs. my "I"). Telling her "Take care of your laundry" doesn't work. Telling her, "Put your clean shirts away" and then telling her, "Now put away your clean P.Js" does.
4. Her multiple outfit changes a day are not purposely wasteful. She's S. She needs new outfits if the temperature changes or she finds out we're going somewhere she didn't expect. Just because I have a fairly typical uniform - and once I'm dressed I don't usually change - doesn't mean she has to.
5. Sometimes I need to respond to her feelings with feelings instead of logic. She needs me to empathize, hear her out, kiss the wound, bring the ice pack (even if it doesn't look "that bad" to me), hold her hand, or commiserate about the situation.
6. She also needs me to teach her not to be controlled by her emotions. This is a skill she can learn. She needs to understand that always relying on feelings is dangerous and could be construed as manipulative, even if she's not trying to manipulate.
7. She needs me to applaud her efforts. Specific praise is always better than "That's nice honey." Gentle suggestions for improvement may be in order, but proceed with caution. "Constructive criticism" will not work.
8. I need to explain to her my need (and her sisters' need) for alone time so we can recharge. I need her to know that Daddy and I can talk heatedly about a subject and not be angry, and discussions definitely do not mean we're upset with her.

As an INTJ, I crave independence and autonomy. As an INTJ parent I grant as much independence to my children as I can. It took me a long time to realize that this particular child likes me to wash her hair, not because she's incapable, but because she likes my company and how skillfully and gently I can get those suds out of her curly hair.

Each of my children is a blessing, but this particular pairing is a match only God could have made, and I'm thankful every day that He did.

Have you noticed your children's personalities? How do their differences or similarities affect your parenting?

Recommended resources (may contain Affiliate links):


Linked up with:

31 Realities of Life for an INTJ Woman

This content can now be found at Living Unabridged.

Life as an INTJ Female

This content can now be found at Living Unabridged.

INTJ: mastermind or heroine?

So, you might have seen them around Pinterest and Facebook: Myers-Briggs charts with our favorite characters illustrating the types.

source: unknown

Star Wars.

Harry Potter.

Downton Abbey.

You guys, listen. I'm comfortable with my type. I like being an INTJ. It's one way of describing the pieces who help make up who I am.

But come on.

Seriously now, it took me three of these things to realize something: the INTJs are always the bad guys. Sure, they're smart. They're planners. They're deep.

But still.

Draco Malfoy? O'Brien? EMPEROR PALPATINE?

Are you kidding me?

I looked over the Downton Abbey chart pretty closely. Despite the way my once beloved show drop-kicked my heart and walked over the ashes of my love for Matthew and Mary (I'm feeling a bit dramatic here, I'll admit), the characters and their costumes and their shenanigans still interest me. (Well, their old shenanigans. I really don't care what happens at this point. Downton is dead to me. Do you hear me, Julian Fellowes? DEAD TO ME.)

Anyway. Forgive me, I take my fictional characters seriously. Back to my main point, once I was perusing the Downton Abbey Myers-Briggs chart I finally put my finger on what annoys me:
take the NTJ and put an "I" on the beginning: evil mastermind. Put an "E" and you get: the heroine.

Princess Leia. Mary Crawford.

This negative image of Introverts has got to stop. We are not evil masterminds. We are loveable, loyal, prone to over-thinking people who don't suffer fools and  their foolishness.

I may not be an Extrovert but I'll go toe to toe with Darth Vader if I have to, especially if he's threatening the people I love. I'll manage the family estate, I'll take care of the family (are we seeing a theme here?). I could be Princess Leia or Mary Crawford.

There may be a fine line between heroics and villainy, heroine and devious plotter. That line is not, "Would you rather go to a party or stay home and read a book?" The difference is not Extroversion vs. Introversion because E vs. I are not a moral choices, they simply exist.

Extroverts can be bad guys. Introverts can be heroes. Introverts could plot nefarious schemes. Extroverts could save the day. But those roles are never cast in stone. Extroversion is not the default, healthy psychological make-up with Introverts being twisted and in need of fixing. I don't need to be fixed or coerced into being an Extrovert.

I am not less because I am an Introvert. Only the Extroverts who run things could possibly think that. The heroes and heroines of all the stories are not all Extroverts. Sometimes they're people who would have lived quietly but have no choice to step up and make sure things are done properly. Introversion is not inherently evil and Extroversion is not inherently good. I'm sure there are folks who would rather see the world that way, but they're wrong. I'm an Introvert and I can tell you we think about this kind of thing a lot.

I am an INTJ but I am more than that. I am a free moral agent with God given strengths and abilities hindered by my own sinful nature and choices.

I stand up for the weak but I am also guilty of ignoring the needy. I'm good with words, although they often get me into trouble. I'm loyal to my family and friends and love when we're all together, but I often need to get away from them at the end of the day so I can recharge. I'm devoted to and head over heels in love with the love of my life but I often find myself annoyed by his failings (though they are small in the grand scheme of things). Please tell me that sounds more like Mary Crawford than Miss O'Brien. I'm already pretty sure it sounds more like Princess Leia than Emperor Palpatine.

Time to learn how to make some infographics myself, I guess. The only way to stop this discrimination against Introverts is for some of us who identify as such to stop being quiet.